My Vow

Don’t wait to love yourself until you change
Love and accept yourself as you are and witness the changes that unfold

I have big challenges when it comes to finding the compassion to love myself.

I frequently replay past mistakes, harmful words that escaped my lips, actions I’m not proud of, or actions I should have taken instead.

I remind myself of hurtful things said to me from others-
“You’re crazy” “You aren’t that good looking” “you can’t handle anything” “I can’t rely on you”

I know myself better than anyone else, yet I crumble at the words of someone who hasn’t even lived one second in my life. I have accepted their words as truths. I have replayed them to myself and have listened to them. None of these things are a reflection of who I am. They are only reflections of their own wounds.

I share my self-love journey because I believe the places where I have the biggest challenges in my life are the places I have the most to give, IF I do the work.

This is a picture of a ring I bought myself on my 40th Birthday. At one of my favorite shops in a city that resonates love within my soul. If happiness has a geographical location, Grand Marais is that place for me.

On that day I chose to marry myself

I wear this token on my sacred left hand ring finger, it’s a reminder of my vows.

I commit to myself. Body, mind, and spirit. I commit to my path.

I commit to loving myself right where I am. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. I know that loving myself, in spite of myself no matter what mistakes I make or what others say about me, is a key part of my journey and the only way to get to where I need to go.

I commit to loving myself in sickness and in health. Emotionally and physically. I choose to comfort myself. To take care of myself. When I am in the depths of despair I promise to bring myself back. I can count on me.

I promise to have and to hold myself. I love myself the way I want someone to love me. When I am feeling lonely or craving attention, I ask myself what I do. Somedays this involves taking myself on a walk, reading something that inspires me, journaling about my feelings, writing a blog post, listening to uplifting music, or watching a funny movie. I have learned to soothe myself. To give myself the love and attention I crave from another.

On my journey I’ve discovered that while life doesn’t always give me what I ask for, it gives me the people, places, and situations I need to create and develop into what I asked for. With this evolution comes magnificent transformation. I know that I can be everything I desire and need.

I would not be where I am right now, if I had always gotten what I asked for, right when I asked for it. When In the midst of chaos, confusion, and uncertainty I prayed for mountains to move and problems to disappear. They didn’t. But I learned to pause, listen, and wait. Listening to what Life is teaching me.

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

I have persevered in spite of difficulties, choosing to love and forgive myself and others a little more with each error, learning there are no mistakes, only lessons that needed to be learned. For myself and others, even those who have hurt me deeply.

I have learned the obstacle is the way. I create the path, choose to climb the mountain or move it. Not hastily or without reflection and inner guidance. I do so calmly, bravely, even in the midst of the uncertainty; I listen to the voice inside me. I used to listen and wait for things to change. Now I know I am the one who creates the change. Faith without works is dead. I must be willing to do the work.

I know everything I need is always right with me. It resides in me and gives me the courage to continue.